During these past few days, a strange thought has continued to creep into my head: "Why am I important?"
I've had this thought oftentimes before. Frankly, I think we all have. But, it wasn't until yesterday (honestly, it was pretty much today) when I truly sat down and thought about this.
Why am I important?
Sometimes, like most other people, I wonder what my purpose is. I wonder what I can do to serve the world. How do I impact people? How do I become known?
When I say these things out loud, people look at me funny. "But Brittney," they say, "you wrote two books! Why would you ever doubt yourself?"
Ha. Funny they should ask. Honestly, this is like asking someone why they are upset about their chipped nail when they have nice hair.
In my opinion, the more you do to serve the world, the more you want to do more to serve. As an author, you're encouraged to constantly supply content and produce stories and you have to worry about marketing and book sales and my, it gets crazy! But I should save this for a different blog post, aha.
I am still a human, no matter what, and I still carry doubts. I always will. I am constantly wanting to do more, make sure I'm making the most out of every moment. I've always wanted to be important; a best friend, a favorite author, an inspiration, someone people go to first, someone people lean on, someone people look up to. It's my driving force, really--having these wants and dreams.
I like to close my eyes and imagine myself walking along the red carpet, wearing a gold dress and gold heals and a gold hairpiece and subtly trying to look like Princess Belle. People asking for autographs, telling me that my books have changed them. People taking selfies with me. You know, every author's dream.
Maybe I'm the only one with this specific dream, but I certainly can't be the only one who dreams of being admired and loved and important.
It's funny, because I don't know about you, but at times I feel that if I'm not accomplishing my wildest dreams, if I'm not walking on that red carpet, then I am not serving my purpose, I am not as important as I should be.
But, let me tell you something: I am already important. You are already important. You are serving your purpose at this very moment. You are admired and loved and people look up to you.
This might all sound very silly, but it's true. You might be thinking, "Brittney, you hardly know me, or you don't even know me at all," but I don't have to know you to know your worth.
There is no one in this world who is like you. There is no one who laughs like you, smiles like you, has the same eyes as you, wears the exact same clothes as you, walks the same way as you, says the same things you say, and the list goes on and on. You are your own, independent person, and that right there makes you the most important person in the world.
You don't have to be writing and publishing novels, and you don't have to be selling millions of copies (this is for my author and writer friends out there), and you don't have to be changing the world in mighty, impressive ways, and you don't need everyone to like you, because not everyone is going to like you and that's okay. You are already important. You are already making a difference. I will repeat it again and again.
Don't spend your days wondering if you're liked, because trust me, I do this often, and it gets me nowhere. Not really, unless digging a deeper hole and jumping into it is somewhere. Don't worry if you're not incredibly famous, loved by everyone, constantly surrounded by the bestest of friends, always wearing the best clothes. Don't worry about being the best of the best in your favorite hobby. You don't always need to be the best at absolutely everything in order to have more worth.
Just stop worrying.
You are you. You are a magical, incredible human being who is alive and living. Don't forget to have fun, don't get so lost in thought sometimes. Live in the now and live as you mean it. Love every moment, no matter where you are, because life moves fast and time won't slow down for you to worry about the small things that don't matter to anyone else but you.
So, why are you important? Why am I important?
Because we're here today. We are here and we are okay. Trust me, we are okay. We are exactly as we are supposed to be, right here, right now.
But, of course, it doesn't hurt to dream.