People say "I want peace."
If you remove I (ego),
and your want (desire),
you are left with peace.
- Satya Sai Baba
It's the day before college classes start up again. I have just moved back into my apartment, have fully unpacked, vacuumed the thick layer of dust that had blanketed across my carpet, and I'm feeling somewhat at home in a familiar yet unfamiliar place. A bit ago, I did my daily yoga, which was followed by brewing some yummy yogi tea and journaling out the junk.
Now, I am here, writing this simple post that I hope will inspire you and offer you some sort of insight.
I had a realization. I have many realizations. But this one imparticular began as merely, an awareness.
Somehow, completely unnoticed from my knowledge, I became obsessed with Instagram. I was on for hours, comparing my theme, my photos, my content and myself to others, and judging my worth based on how much acknowledgment I was receiving. And in the back of my mind, there was my personal Instagram, staring at me like a dust bunny with daunting eyes. I juggled the two, unsure of who I was online, and making that known to my followers.
I soon became aware of what I was doing: controlling.
But I was controlling the wrong things in my life.
When we allow things to become our main focus and priority, it becomes the source of our happiness. Even today, as I was (quite slowly, if I may add) unpacking my things and tidying my room, I found myself grabbing my phone, again and again, checking the notifications, judging my feed.
The other day, I began writing again. Yes, I did it. The girl who completely changed her Instagram and blog because she was unsure of who she was because she fell out of touch with writing, has begun writing again.
I put away my phone. I allowed my ego to subside, just for a bit. I released a doubt when I came across it. I released the judgment, the negative thoughts, the false stories, and instead, I told myself positive encouragement and remained optimistic.
And I wrote. 2,000 words to be precise.
I grabbed the reigns of my life.
I've spent a while telling myself that I'm trapped in a mental hole, but that's not true at all. In fact, there is no hole at all. I'm standing on even ground and there is an endless field of possibilities before me, with too many paths and opportunities to count.
And this year-----no, right now, I am taking a step forward into that field.
The other day, I was excited about this awareness I felt. It was new and different. I realized how detached I had become, because my focus, my center, my goals, and my beliefs were all out of alignment.
And that's when my boyfriend told me (oh, how wise is he!) that it's one thing to say you're going to change. It's another to take action. "So," he asked me, simply, "what steps are you going to take?"
At that moment, I was frozen. "He's right," I thought. All I'd been doing was saying I was going to change my habits, but that only seemed to dig me deeper into this mental hole that didn't really exist at all.
And this realization, my dear readers, was beyond simple.
If we allow and are still within ourselves, good things will come. If we move forward, letting go of the past, the doubts, the high expectations and the control that is holding us back, there will be only good things in store.
But, how do we do that? How do we let go?
You just do. You repeat the mantra, "I am letting go. I am moving forward." Then, you move forward.
If we are constantly focused on letting go, letting go, letting go, we are then stuck on letting go of letting go, and that's a circle of thought in itself!
I was controlling the outcomes of things of my life that should not be controlled, like Instagram, people's perception of me, this blog, my body, when in fact, I should be controlling me. My thoughts, what I do with my given time. Those are the things that should be controlled---but even then, it is all up to The Universe.
The only thing that you should control, is your feet, as you take that step forward. The only step is taking a step.
We are all standing in this field, together. There is a bright, golden sun in front of us, and the storm is way behind. It's our choice as to which direction we go.
And I am so thrilled to share that I am clearing the ego-----I am writing this now with love, with passion, with the hope of inspiring. I am not writing for attention, for acknowledgment, for validation. It's important to know how to give yourself validation----the only thing that can offer you a sense of validation is you, anyway. Not your friends, romantic partner, or social media---YOU.
That is how I ALREADY HAVE clear my ego.
I am grabbing the reins of life, focusing on my yoga, my writing, and the areas of my life that will strengthen me as a human. Scheduling, following through with my goals and weekly tasks, making an effort to grow and bond with the people I love, and taking the necessary steps forward in my life.
That is how I ALREADY HAVE grabbed the reins of life.
I am also clearing the mental clutter like the doubt, fear, and judgment that snowballs in my mind when I allow it to. I read a quote by Gabrielle Bernstein that read something along the lines of this, "Fear can only expand in the darkness. Good things come in the light."
Life is a lovely, precious gift that should not be wasted on such self-sabotaging emotions such as fear.
I have already let go of this mental clutter.
And so have you.
On other news, I am already working on other, more concrete goals:
- Finishing my third book
- Going to London and Paris
- Magnificently growing the traffic of my blog
- Setting and sticking to healthy habits such as working out, eating well, writing, and meditation
Do you have any new year goals that you are already working on? Let me know in the comments!
To conclude this post, I'll say this, simply: When in times of doubt, or when you feel like you are stuck, out of touch, out of alignment, I ask you to stop controlling, as hard as it is, allow great things, and take that step forward.
With all the love I have,